Surviving the Holidays: Tips for Families and Individuals Managing Mental Health

While the holidays can be meaningful, they can also be incredibly demanding. The added events, planning, and expectations often leave people feeling stretched thin, especially if you or someone you love is navigating mental illness. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, notice heightened anxiety, increased stress, or sense a low mood settling in during this time of year. The good news is that there are supportive strategies that can help the holidays feel a little more manageable for both you and your family member.

Avoid feeling guilty and identify what you really want to do:

Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. During the holiday season, many of us want to be everything for everyone. We don’t want to disappoint or hurt anyone’s feelings, so we put pressure on ourselves despite already feeling exhausted, guilty, and resentful that we are not doing enough.

Remember, you can't please everyone. Focus on what you truly want for the holidays, it's ok if it's not always about everyone else.

For example, you might want to spend the whole day with your family or simply go out for dessert. When being with family feels like a choice rather than an obligation, it can become easier to relax and enjoy the moment.

Keep connected:

If you’re not feeling well it can be tempting to isolate but that often makes things worse. If the holidays aren’t lifting your spirits, try connecting with a friend over Zoom or a phone call. Sometimes, spending time with just one person even virtually, with no expectations can make all the difference.

Set Boundaries with your family members and communicate them:

Healthy boundaries provide a framework that shows others how to treat you. They help create respectful, mutual relationships because expectations are clear. Most boundary challenges arise when we put others’ needs ahead of our own or allow ourselves to be mistreated or undervalued. The holidays can make maintaining boundaries even trickier, with extra commitments and heightened expectations. During this season, it’s easy to feel over stressed and fall out of your usual routines like exercising, sleeping well, eating healthily, and practicing other positive coping strategies.

Don’t let the holidays become an excuse for poor boundaries.

Here are some guidelines to ensure healthy boundaries over the holidays:

1. Communicate what you want or need.

2. Say “no” without guilt.

3. Say “yes” because you want to, not out of obligation or to please others.

4. Let go of trying to control what other people eat, drink, wear, say, or do.

5. Be empowered to skip, go late, leave early, or drive your own car to holiday parties.

6. Express your feelings in an assertive and respectful way. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior.

7. Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

8. Spend time with supportive people.

9. Take responsibility for your own happiness and don’t be a martyr.

10. Don’t make excuses for yourself or anyone else.

11. Act according to your own values and beliefs.

Make yourself a priority 

During the holidays, as we’re hosting, shopping, cooking, cleaning, attending get-togethers and checking off other tasks on our to-do lists, self-care often takes a backseat.

Do your best to stick to your routine as much as possible. Prioritize getting enough sleep and continue the activities that lift your mood whether it’s exercise, spending time with friends, reading a book, or other things that make you feel good and recharged.

Tune into your feelings and be honest: 

At the start, throughout, or end of the day, take a moment to pause and check in with yourself. We spend so much time on autopilot helping family, working, managing responsibilities without truly tuning in to how we’re feeling.

Our days affect us, and if we don't check in with ourselves, stress can carry over from one day to the next, compounding over time.

Taking just 5 to 10 minutes a day to slow down and check in with yourself, reflecting on how your day has affected you and how you’re feeling, can help prevent stress from piling up.  It’s okay to feel stressed, worried, or angry, these are normal feelings. Take the time to explore why you’re feeling these emotions with curiosity and without judgment, it can help you understand yourself better. Sometimes, that means taking a break from an activity or stepping back all together for the day.

Buddy up: 

Have someone close by or on speed dial: a friend, cousin, sister or anyone who "gets it."

Laugh - a lot:

See the humour wherever and whenever you can!

Budget:

The holidays can be expensive between gifts, food, and travel, it’s easy to overextend yourself. Plan your budget ahead of time, stick to cash or debit, and consider hosting a Secret Santa to limit the number of gifts you and your family need to buy.

Loss:

The holidays can highlight the loss of a loved one. It's ok to acknowledge that this season wont feel the same. Use this time as an opportunity to create new traditions that honor their memory.

• Did your loved one care about a certain cause?

• What were their interests?

  
  

Incorporate these into your holiday traditions, and surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you're going through.

Year-End Reflection

As the year comes to a close, many of us reflect on what has changed and what has stayed the same. Take a moment to notice what’s going well and give yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished.

When we always look at what we don’t have we forget to be grateful for what we do have.

Look to the future with optimism, and don’t feel pressured by New Year’s resolutions. If there’s something you want to change, start today, there’s no need to wait for January 1st.

How to Support an Adult Family Member Affected by Mental Illness

Supporting a family member living with mental illness during the holidays can be challenging. You may not always understand why they feel or act a certain way, and that’s ok. Try your best to not take it personally.  Some individuals may need to do things a specific way or avoid certain situations altogether, which can create frustration or conflict. Fortunately, there are strategies that can help ease the pressure while still having your loved ones participate in holiday activities.

Ask your loved one how you can help them:

They know what they need best. It takes the pressure off of you and your loved one when they can tell you what they need rather than playing the guessing game.

Plan your schedule in advance: 

Give your family member time to prepare for events, parties, or outings. Let them know who will be there if you know, where you’re going, and answer questions they may have. Talk through potential situations and work together to create a plan that works for everyone. Be open to discussing and negotiating the plan with your family member so they feel included and supported.

Have realistic expectations:

Things don’t need to go perfectly, be willing to adjust as needed. For example, it might make more sense for your family member to spend one hour at a party instead of five. If they aren’t comfortable attending, consider bringing them some food and spending some one on one time together later. Remember, expectations run high during the holiday season, but you or your loved one do not owe anyone anything.

Communicate openly about feelings with your family member: 

Discuss with them how they are feeling, or what’s making them anxious. Be available throughout any outings or events so they know they can come to you for support if they needed. A little one on one time throughout the holidays will help you get a better sense of how your family member is feeling.

Find a quiet place and plan ahead:

Find a spot during a holiday activity or party where your family member (or you) can go for a break.

Give yourself and your family member permission to step away from a stressful or overwhelming situation, guilt free.

Don’t force your family member to interact if they don’t want to. This will just cause extra stress for you and them.  Allow them some time alone to regroup. Regrouping could be anything from walking the dog, getting a cup of coffee, journaling or reading, or having a good cry. (Sometimes we all need a good cry).  Check in to see how they’re feeling; they can then decide whether it’s better to return to the gathering or head home.

Don’t worry about other people’s judgements:

People may ask insensitive questions or comment on your family member’s behavior. Sometimes it’s meant to be rude; other times, they’re just trying to understand. Having a brief response ready can help you stay calm and avoid over explaining when you’re not ready to have a particular conversation.

Encourage your family members to set boundaries for themselves:

Just as it’s important to set your own boundaries, remind your family member that it’s okay for them to have theirs too. They are entitled to the same respect for boundaries as you. If they share their boundaries with you, thank them for their honesty and do your best to accommodate them. Don't forget to share your boundaries as well.

Remember:

Not everyone has to attend every event. What matters most to you might not be as important to your loved one. Have an open conversation about which events are flexible, and ask yourself if it’s worth the conflict if they choose not to participate.

We’d all benefit from letting go of the idea of a ‘perfect’ holiday and focusing instead on accepting ourselves and our loved ones without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice.

Despite our best intentions, the holidays rarely go exactly as planned. Focus on making them meaningful for you and your family, whatever the circumstances. Take note of what’s going well and what you’ve accomplished and remember to give yourself credit and celebrate!

Don't forget, it's important to take care of yourself. If you need some extra help, try affirmations such as: “I want/need … and that doesn’t make me selfish.” You are entitled to setting boundaries, having your own feelings, and not having to explain why you are saying no.

PS: You deserve to enjoy this holiday season, whatever that looks like to you!

Until next time,

Chantel Bode